Alchemist Summer Camp
by TimX7
Summary: Ed, Al and the other State Alchemists must be counselors at a summer camp for six weeks. Only there is one person who wants it destroyed for his own gain.
1. Default Chapter

Full Metal Alchemist is owned by Aniplex and Funimation. Ernest Goes to Camp is owned by Touchstone Pictures.

**Title: Alchemist Summer Camp**

**Author: GenerationX7**

**Summary: Ed, Al and the other State Alchemists must be counselors at a summer camp for six weeks.**

**Author's Notes: I'm only going to do a week of summer camp and it will mostly be based on the movie Ernest Goes to Camp and a couple of my own personal experiences in Boy Scout summer camp.**

Chapter 1: The announcement of doom

Edward Elric sat in a chair in the back of the auditorium with his brother Alphonse. All of the State Alchemist were called in for a special announcement by Roy Mustang. Maes Hughes walks behind the podium and looks at the alchemists in attendence.

"Before I bring the Colonel out here. I have a little announcement of my own." Hughes said. Then the curtain is pulled back to reveal a huge picture of his daughter. "My daughter is the cutest little girl around!"

This was met by beer bottles being thrown at the warrent officer and Havoc's cigarette. Which set Hughes hair on fire.

"AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH! PUT IT OUT! PUT IT OUT! PUT IT OUT! PUT IT OUT!" Hughes ran back and forth on stage. Before he finally ran to the back and went into the restroom. There one was one problem with the restroom; it was the women's room. So naturally they screamed and Hughes was kicked out. So he ran into the men's room and stuck his head into the toilet. The fire was out and Hughes sighed with relief. Unfortunately Roy was in the stall next to him and he flushed his toilet. Then Roy walked by Hughes toilet and grinned evilly at Hughes.

"Don't you do it Colonel." Hughes threatened.

"You mean this?" Roy then pressed down the lever to flush the toilet. Hughes screamed as his hair was being sucked down crapper.

Minutes later and after Roy had composed himself from laughing like a idiot. Hughes sat in his chair. With his hair standing straight up and twisted like the ice cream on a soft serve ice cream cone. The alchemists, including Edward, snicker at the unfortunate Maes Hughes. Finally Roy Mustang walked on stage. Though he was still snickering.

"Well Fuher Bradley has called me and told me that we're to be counselors at this year's summer camp at Camp Alchemist."

There were groans from all in attendence. Roy continued.

"I'm sorry but thats our order. The camp will open two weeks from today and then we'll be there eight weeks."

There were groans, muttered curse words and muttered death threats. Only Al was actually excited to be a part of this.

"This sounds great. Doesn't it Ed?" Al asked. Edward wasn't in the mood to respond.

**Two weeks later...**

The alchemists stood in front of the camp's front gate. The place looked good for a old camp.

"Okay guys our campers will be here in a few hours. Lets get our assignments and to our cabins." Roy said. Pretty soon all of the alchemists got their cabins and assignments. Edward looked at his and Al's assignment.

"Fullmetal cabin with twenty kids. What a assignment." Ed said.

"It sounds fun Ed. You really should give this assignment a chance."

"Yeah I should but I feel that things will go to hell in a handcart within ten minutes of their arrival." Ed imagined all of the horrible things him and Al would be put through. It wasn't a pretty thought at all.

**Author's Comment: Here is the first chapter of my first ever Fullmetal Alchemist fic. In the next chapter out unlucky counselors will meet the kids they're in charge with for eight weeks. Plus we will meet the main villian and his interests for the camp.**


	2. Meet the juvenile deliquents Edward

Full Metal Alchemist is owned by Aniplex and Funimation. Ernest Goes to Camp is owned by Touchstone Pictures.

Chapter 2: Meet the juvenile deliquents Edward

Trains pulled up to the station next to camp. The kids got off the train and walked to the administration building. Which is where Roy will give the kids their cabin and tell them there will be a night hike followed by a camp fire tonight. The state alchemists, including Ed and Al, watched as the kids got off the train. The alchemists swore they could see red horns growing out of the kids forheads. Ed wondered which kids he was going to be in charge with. He hoped they weren't troublemakers. Pretty soon the alchemists join the kids and stood behind them. As Roy told the kids a bit about the rules, the camp and anything else important.

"Well Al, amongst those kids are the brats we have to babysit." Ed whispered to Al.

"Give these kids a chance brother." Al whispered back. "They may not be as bad as you think."

"Okay, when I call your name, please join your councelor." Roy stated.

One by the kids got up and joined their respective alchemist. Pretty soon the kids were all divided up into their groups. The kids grabbed their stuff and followed their councelor.

"WHAT THE HELL?" Ed exclaimed as he and Al were the only councelors left without any kids. "WHERE ARE OUR TWENTY LITTLE BASTARDS?"

"Oh Fullmetal. I forgot to tell you..." Roy said. "Your twenty kids were going to be late. They had to come all the way from Central."

Just then there was a train whistle heard at the station.

"That must be them now." Roy smirked. Ed didn't like where that smirk was going, but he had a job to do nonetheless.

"Lets go Al." Ed said and they made a break for the train station right next to the camp. When Ed saw the train he let out a scream that could be heard all the way to the Administration Building. Which made Roy smile even more. On the side of the train it said 'CENTRAL JUVENILE DETENTION CENTER'. No wonder why he screamed. His twenty kids for eight weeks of hell are juvenile deliquents. This is going to be bad.

"What were you saying about not being as bad as I think Al?" Ed said as he fell to his knees and began to whimper.

"I guess I was wrong Ed." Al said as the kids got off of the train. All of the kids come from different races. There were two Ishbalans in the group and one kid that didn't look like he belonged there. That kid in question wore glasses and was breathing through an inhaler.

**Minutes later...**

The two Ishbalans were plotting their pranks for to do on poor Ed and Al. Al was told to take them to the cabin, while Ed went to give his superior a earful of yelling and foul language. The little nerd, who is named Billy, listened in on the two Ishbalans. The two Ishbalans are named Jeremy and Ben.

"So we're going to spike short stuff and armor boy's drinks?" Jeremy asked.

"You bet." Ben said. Ben was probably the ring leader of the twenty kids.

"Maybe you should leave them alone." Billy said from his top bunk.

"Shut up Billy!" Ben said. "No one likes you."

"Come on Jeremy. Lets put our plan into action."

Ben and Jeremy told Al that they were going to explore the camp. They grabbed their wallets and went to the trading post. Which just opened. As Breda and Havoc were on trading post duty for the time being. Jeremy and Ben walk in to buy two small cartons of milk and a bottle of Hyper Super Turbo Laxative X; its a works a hundred times faster than Ex Lax. Why anyone would sell laxative in a trading post is beyond me. They pay for their purchases and leave. Breda giving Havoc a rasied eyebrow.

"Is it just me or are those two planning the oldest and still funniest trick in the book?" Breda asked.

"Beats me, but if they're in Ed and Al's cabin. They don't know that Ed is lactose intolerant and Al is a soul trapped in a suit of armor." Havoc said pulling out his lighter and pack of cigerettes. "If you'll excuse me I'm going to have a smoke."

Jeremy and Ben pour about half the bottle into both cartons of milk. The bottle of laxative wasn't very big anyway. It was about the size of a sample size of laxative. Billy sighs and goes back to reading his Sci Fi comic book. As Jeremy and Ben take the two cartons of milk to Ed and Al.

"We wanted to let know we won't try anything funny during our eight weeks here at camp." Ben said as Jeremy placed the two cartons onto the table in front of the Elric brothers. Then they grinned and left the room.

"See, I told you they weren't so bad." Al said then they looked down at the milk.

"I hate milk." Ed said.

"and I can't drink it." Al replied.

"What are we going to do?" both said to each other. Just then Hughes walked in, grinning as usual.

"Hey guys, how is your first day?" Hughes said, then he noticed the milk. "You guys are going to drink those?"

"Nah, you can have them." Ed replied.

"Don't mind if I do!" Hughes exclaimed as he drank one carton and then the other. Ben and Jeremy watched Hughes down both cartons of milk. Then they cast a worry glance at each other. As Hughes said his goodbyes to the Elric brothers, Jeremy and Ben knew their plan backfired big time. Hughes leaves, with two worried Ishbalans boys in the cabin. Once Hughes leaves the cabin, the laxative takes affect instantly. Giving Hughes one hell of a growling stomach.

"Oh God!" Hughes broke into a sprint towards the nearest bathroom.

**Meanwhile at a construction site...**

A man with gray hair and beard watched a huge construction project going on. He wore a business suit and stood behind his desk. He grinned evilly as he looked out the window. After a minute he closed the blinds to the windows and left his office. The foreman stood around a table with a few workers. They're looking at a model of their project. Whatever it is; it involves a lot of land to be demolished.

"Well what is our path?" the man said. The man's name is Howard Bell, owner of the Bell Corporation. A famous and very powerful corporation. Their main goal is to provide expensive real estate for those who have the most money. Right now he is looking to build mansions for the rich and famous. In order to do that he had to demolish everything that was filled with scum. Remember that episode when Ed and Al went on their first mission to investigate that town owned by a mean state alchemist. The alchemist lowered the miners pay and raised their taxes. Well Howard is like that alchemist. Anybody who doesn't have a lot of money is considered scum and should live like scum; in a cardboard box and eat out of garbage cans. This guy is so heartless. Howard would never give money to charity. To him anybody who helps the 'scum' he hates, is scum themselves. Plus he hopes those starving children starve to death. Howard Bell cares only about money, being rich and himself. Screw the middle and lower society, the only thing he cares about is the high society. The people who can afford the most expensive thing on the menu. The people that drink wine and champagne. Most of all the people that make about the same as Donald Trump, famous athletes and Bill Gates. Those are the people he cares about and no one else.

"Well sir." The foreman said. "We've evacuated the Ishbalan camp and there is a farm coming up. Then all we have to do is get rid of Camp Alchemist."

"Good, continue with the demolition." Howard said. He went back to his office and put a cigar in his mouth. Lighting he smiled. "Soon I'll make so much money it'll make the wealthy's heads spin."

**Author's Comment: Well here is chapter two. You've got feel bad for Hughes right about now. First his hair gets set ablaze and now he has a extreme case of the runs. Things aren't going to look so good when mean old Howard Bell gets close to Camp Alchemist. Next chapter is the nigh hike and camp fire. Stay tuned for that. It will be a another great chapter.**


	3. Goodness gracious, great Hughes of fire

Full Metal Alchemist is owned by Aniplex and Funimation. Ernest Goes to Camp is owned by Touchstone Pictures.

**Author's Note: If you've read chapter 5 of Alchemist Eclipse by SakuraStar. You would know where I'm going with the lactose-intolerant thing. Enjoy this chapter.**

Chapter 3: Goodness gracious, great Hughes of fire.

The night hike went really well. Besides Hughes having to go behind a tree every ten minutes. It went rather well. Now they're all sitting on benches around the fire ring. The fire ring is a platform raising up about a inch off the ground. The platform is completely made of dirt and rocks are place around the actual area of the fire. Hawkeye and Hughes are trying to start the fire with matches, but they're having no success in starting the fire. In order for the kids to not start a riot, Roy steps in to use his alchemy to start the fire.

"Stand back you two. I'll get this fire going in no time at all." Roy said holding up his gloved hand. Hawkeye knew it was coming and cleared the area rather quick. Hughes never paid any attention nor listened to the Flame Alchemist. Instead he kept trying the matches, hoping one would light. Roy just shrugged and snapped his fingers. The fire gets lit, but Hughes also gets lit. Hughes begins running laps around the fire ring, demanding water.

"There's a latrine a few feet that way." Armstrong said. Hughes screams his thanks and runs to the latrine. Only to have another poo-poo attack happen. This gave Hughes a very difficult decision. He could either crap his pants and put the fire that engulfed his entire body. The other option is to become a pile of ashes on the pit toilet. He chose the third option, which is to jump into the pit toilet and hope to put himself out and take a dump at the same time. This proved that human feces, stored over time can become flammable. Thus when Hughes did a swan dive into the pit toilet. It caught ablaze real quick. The kids and the counselors saw a giant fireball shoot into the night sky. Then Hughes bloodcurdling girly screams filled the night.

"Someone go put him out." Roy said.

A tall muscular man, around the same height and build as Armstrong is, kicks down the door to the farm house. There the elderly farmer, his daughter and grand daughter were huddled together. The farmer aimed his rifle at the man's chest.

"You can't have my home. I don't care what you..." the old man was knocked unconscious by a right hook from the man.

"GET OUT OF THE DAMN HOUSE NOW!" the man ordered as he picked the old man and carried him away. The two women ran out crying and were put into a truck along with the old man.

Meanwhile several mercenaries hired by Howard were finishing flushing out the Ishbalans at the encampment. Scar was told by the camp's elder to not fight and go. Before Scar left, he demanded a explanation.

_"We must have you find out where we're being taken Scar." the elder said._

Scar had to hide in the bushes and watch his people get taken to the trucks. Once all of the Ishbalans were rounded up, the trucks drove off. Scar was able to see his window of opportunity to hold on to the bottom of one of the trucks, before the soldiers rounded up the last of the Ishbalans. Scar got off the truck when the trucks were stopped and his people were taken off of the trucks. Scar was amazed that his people were being taken to a camp, with a barbed wire fence. He hid in some bushes in the back to find out it was a slave camp. There all the people Howard called scum was put to work. They worked with no health benefits either. It was inhuman and made Scar want to kill the guards and free the people inside. But he couldn't do it alone. He needed some help and he knew where to get it.

The next morning Roy, Armstrong, Ed, Al and Hawkeye went to see Hughes in the first aid building. Hughes's entire body was wrapped in bandages; he looked like a mummy with glasses.

"How are you feeling Hughes?" Roy asked.

"(I feel I've been to the gates of Hell Roy.)" Hughes said in his muffled voice. Not like the rest could understand.

"Um are you Mr. Hughes's friends?" asked a young woman.

"Yes we're his...holy God in Heaven. You don't look old enough to study medicine." Roy commented. Indeed this young woman was too young to study medicine, but that probably didn't stop her though. She was around Ed's age, slightly bigger than him. She has one a blue t-shirt and jean shorts with a white lab coat. Her skin is tan and she has dark brown tied in single braid. A leather headband with colored beads in the design of a eagle and a eagle feather on the side of the headband was on her head.

"I'm not old enough. I'm just my sister's assistant. She's visiting out grandfather right now. By the way my name is Naomi Kauffman. I'm a Indian in the Redfeather Tribe." Naomi said extending her hand. Roy shook it.

"A Indian huh? I've heard that Fuhrer Bradley was able to negotiate with the Redfeather Tribe about getting land for this very camp. Ever since they were put into the reservation next door to the camp." Roy said.

"My grandfather is the chief of the Redfeather tribe. So he was able to give Fuhrer Bradley some land in exchange for money. Since we're poor in the reservation and all."

"I've heard that the Redfeather tribe use alchemy. Hence the name of this camp." Armstong said. "I've even heard that the nurse here is the Healing Alchemist. Her alchemy is using healing herbs that are found on the reservation or elsewhere in the world. Placing the herbs on the wounded or ill, she uses her alchemic powers to heal the patient."

"Thats my sister all right." Naomi said with a giggle. "When she gets back she'll heal Maes Hughes here and he'll be as good as new. Oh and by looking at your charts Edward Elric. It says here that..."

Ed quickly tries to silence her but he is too late.

"You're lactose-intolerant. My sister will get you some medicine to help you drink milk. Don't worry Edward. These pills will help treat your lactose-intolerence."

"Even if I did take the pills Naomi. I still won't drink milk. I hate its taste." Ed said.

"Well there is chocolate milk out on the market Edward."

Naomi left the room leaving Ed and the others.

"Oh by the way Ed." Roy said. "You're cabin is to play Armstrong's cabin in baseball, liek right now."

Ed grumbled as he walked out of the First Aid Building. This will go rather well.

**Author's Comment: Not much to say here, except Ed gets some medicine to help him drink milk. Then there is Howard's reign of terror on the Ishbalan camp. Lets hope Scar can get the help of the State Alchemists. Lets also hope they'll listen to him.**


	4. Baseball, picnics and fire ants

Full Metal Alchemist is owned by Aniplex and Funimation. Ernest Goes to Camp is owned by Touchstone Pictures.

**Chapter 4: Baseball, picnics and fire ants**

Ed arrived at the field before both cabins did. Once both cabins, along with Major Louis Alex Armstong. Both counsilors made up their batting order and field positions. Thne the umpire, Havoc, called the two alchemists to the pitcher's mound to see who bats first.

"Call it in the air." Havoc said, throwing the coin into the air.

"Heads!" Ed calls. Havoc catches it and it turns up heads. Ed asks to bat first. Well the first two at bat was a strong kid named Rocky and Jeremy. Rocky hits it into the outfield but it gets caught. Then Jeremy hits a nice line drive towards first base. The first baseman caught it and taped the base. Already there were two outs and Al was up to bat. Al was put on the team because he wasn't the team captain. Plus Ed needed a good hitter for extreme cases such as this. Al hits it and scores a homerun. The first point scored for Team Fullmetal. The ball bounced off of the trees as it headed towards the First Aid building. At that time Hughes was walking out, humming a happy tune. He didn't know what hit him. I'm serious he didn't, because he was humming.

"D'oh!" the ball hit Hughes square in th side of his head. Knocking him unconscious.

Well to cut to the chase, the rest of the game was rather uneventful. Unless you count Al hitting homeruns through out the entire game and the balls hit by Al nail poor Hughes on the head everytime he gets back up. Hughes was back in the First Aid building for multiple concussions on Al's part. I bet you twenty dollars Al never knew that he was hurting Hughes.

After the game, Ed was taking a nice walk. Leaving Al to attend the kids at their cabin, which my not be such a good idea, at all. Anyway Ed was walking alone until he heard someone call his name.

"Hey Edward!"

Ed turned around and saw Naomi Kauffman, her sister and a man that appears to be their grandfather. Ed smiled and sat down on the blanket they set up with some food. Yes they're having a picnic.

"Edward this is my sister Sandra and my grandfather Pureheart." Naomi said. Ed shook their hands and took a sandwich wedge.

"This is great. Great food, friends and fire ants..." It finally dawned on Ed that there were indeed fire ants and they were crawling all over him. Then they began to sting and bite him. Thus he got up and began running around like a idiot. Trying to get the fire ants off of them. They were even trying to sting and bite his auto-mail.

"AAAHHHHHHHHH! GET THEM OFF! GET THEM OFF!"

Naomi and Sandra just rolled their eyes and Pureheart just watched Ed run around like a chicken with its cut off.

Later that day after the incident with Ed and the fire ants. Hughes came out of the First Aid building, he had to take over Ed's cabin for a little bit. So Hughes and Al took the kids camping. Things couldn't have gotten worse for Hughes. As they stumbled upon a family of badgers.

"Look guys, its a family of badgers." Hughes said. "Though they may look cute. Never do this to a family of badgers."

Then Hughes started to make faces and sounds to the badgers. This annoyed the badgers to no end. So they lept on Hughes and started to claw and bite Hughes. Who promptly did what Ed earlier with the fire ants. Run around and scream like a idiot. Of course Hughes's cries were muffled as a badger was latched on to his face.

"First aid?" Ben asked Jeremy.

"First aid." Jeremy replied.

Soon after that Hughes was being wrapped like a mummy, literally. Al watched on in amazement and confusion.

"I don't think you should be doing first aid this way." Al said.

"Trust us on this one." said one of the kids, a blonde haired kid named Michael.

Pretty soon Ben was done and he wrapped one end around the headlight of a bus. The bus was used to mostly transport soldiers into combat. It was going to be used to transport kids to the camp, but Bradley opted for the train station. Somehow Michael climbs into the bus and starts it. Appearently someone left the keys in. So he just started the bus and shifted it into drive. The bus took off and the bandages around Hughes were comign off. Thus Hughes was spinning like a top. Until the bandages were completely gone. Hughes then passed out, again.

That night Scar had found a prison like camp where his people were being held. He decided to do something right then and there. He decided to storm the place. Things didn't go as planned. As two guards aimed their rifles at a wounded Scar.

"Fire!" one guard yelled and both fired their rifles.

**Author's Comment: Sorry for the lack of update. I've been pretty busy. Well anyway it seems that I ended with a cliffhanger. Is Scar dead or is he mortally wounded? Well in the next chapter, playtime is over. I've got a storyline to do. I'm also trying to work on a chapter of The Teachers' Experiment. So be on the look out for that.**


End file.
